


Asking For Help...

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-11
Updated: 2012-05-23
Packaged: 2018-09-03 14:32:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8717599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Jensen is sick. Sort of. But then somebody moves in next door and everything is okay.





	1. If I'm Asking For Help It's Only Because Being With You Has Opened My Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Really ugly uses of the word fag. I dunno where this stuff comes from. Schizophrenia talk.

\----------------------------------------------

Jensen doesn't get it. He doesn't get why people look at him differently.

 

See, Jensen is sick. Not sick in that way where you take some disgusting cherry-flavored medicine and the infection goes away. He's sick in the way that he has to see a doctor on a regular basis and if he doesn't take his medicine...he starts seeing all those things that 'aren't really there' again. But Jensen begs to differ because he almost swears they were real.

 

It's been awhile since Jensen's seen those things, but the voices are still there. He has those under control; he refuses to let them win completely. His mama says it's nothing to be ashamed of. Everybody is messed up in their own ways, some just can't help it when it comes to hiding it. 

 

But the voices. _Those voices._ God. They tell Jensen that he is different, that he is fucked up. That everyone hates him, he will never amount to anything. Jensen tries to ignore them, he honestly, really does, and for the most part he succeeds, but then those dumb cheerleaders and stupid jocks sneer at him and shove him out of the way when he 'invades their space in the hallway.' But, apparently, they don't realize that these halls weren't made just for them.

 

He doesn't see why he should have to be here, anyway. 

 

But mama thinks that because Jensen's on these really nifty pills and hasn't had any episodes in a few years, that he needs to be out, be social. He actually really hates being around all those people. Doctors say it's also a symptom of his disease. 

 

Plus, he only has one whole year left. 

 

Jensen sits at home in his favorite chair. It's his home away from home. Or his home inside his home? He loves this chair. His mama would read to him when he was younger in this chair.

 

Mama and his dad are practically breathing down his neck when he's in the house, _and they wanna tell Jensen that it's okay to be different_ , but he actually doesn't mind. They keep the voices at bay. He really loves his parents. 

 

A knock at the door startles Jensen and he glances over his shoulder to see his mom scurry off to answer it. "Oh! Hello, yes, come in! It's so nice to meet the new neighbors. Jensen, will you come in here?" And, really, Jensen doesn't want to. But mama insists, so Jensen gets up. 

 

There's a family of four standing in the doorway and Jensen stops just short of the hallway. One of them is really freaking...tall. And beautiful. **Beautiful? Well, isn't your queerness just showing today.**

 

He's never been attracted to...anything. Everybody he knows pretty much hates him. He's not even attracted to this person, or Jensen doesn't know, but he's got a different...light to him. 

 

Jensen likes it immediately. 

 

Jensen comes to learn that the person's name is Jared. He learns this when they go outside and sit on the patio furniture.

 

"So, you're mom said you're a giant ball of craziness?" Jensen whips his head up to see Jared sitting there with a grin on his face. He relaxes. "Sorry, dude, too easy. But seriously. I heard your mom say something to mine on the way out here. It true?"

 

Jensen shrugs his shoulder. "Guess so." 

 

Jared nods. "Cool." 

 

Jensen grimaces. "It's cool that I'm crazy?" 

 

Jared just nods his head again. He and Jared sit outside and talk. They talk about everything. Jensen tells Jared about how ever since he was little that something always just felt...weird, like he knew he wasn't gonna be normal. He also told him about the last episode he had, before school started freshman year. How the weird things and cruel voices almost led him to down a few bottles of prescription pills. And how word got around so now Jensen's a freak to everybody. 

 

They keep talking until their parents come looking for the both of them. 

 

After the Padalecki's leave, his mama sits down and Jensen gives her a smile. "I like Jared, mama." 

 

Donna Ackles just smiles. 

 

The next few days at school are awesome. Jared almost gets suspended because some kid came up to them and said, "Well, well. New queer on the block and the retarded kid. How cute." Jensen is really thankful for the medicine he is on after that incident. 

 

Over the next couple weeks, Jared starts coming over to Jensen's after school. Donna and Alan smile softly and Jensen feels like he's on cloud nine.

 

It's one day after school on Friday that Jared finally asks. Jensen never thought he would.

 

"Hey, man. What's it like being a skitzo?" Skitzo? Jared must see the confused look on Jensen's face because he adds, "Having schizophrenia, I mean." 

 

Jensen shrugs his shoulders. "I got lucky. I guess mine isn't as bad as it could be." 

 

"It's gotta suck, though, right?" 

 

"It did at first. But it's part of who I am. You know?" 

 

"Yeah. Kind of like being gay?"

 

Jensen smiles. He loves when Jared tries to be funny. He's also pretty sure that Jared just came out to him in the most informal way possible. "I guess. But it's still way, way different." 

 

"No doubt." There's silence for a couple minutes. "Are you like, seriously crazy?"

 

Jensen purses his lips. He hated when people went there. "No! It's under control. But everyone just treats me like I'm stupid and crazy. Like I'll pop off at any minute. Or...or, I don't know." Jensen is standing up with his hands on his hips at this point.

 

Jared throws his hands up in surrender. "Dude, calm the hell down. I was just asking." 

 

**Way to go, Jensen. You're scaring your perfect fag match away.** Jensen shakes his head. "Sorry. I just...sore subject?" 

 

"I completely understand, dude." 

 

Jensen sits back down and sighs. "And no, I'm really not crazy. Things get...weird when I don't take my medicine. But I'm very good about taking it." 

 

"Why'd you try committing suicide?"

 

"They told me to." 

 

"They told you to...huh? Well, alright then." He pauses. "Are they ever around anymore?" 

 

Jensen shakes his head. "The voices are sometimes." And then he gets quiet. This is the most he's talked to anyone about this. Except his doctor. He's fully expecting Jared to go running for the hills but he just sits there. 

 

"And you really have this all under control?"

 

Jensen nods. "Yeah. I take my medicine, talk to my doctor. Haven't had an episode since, you know." He looks up at Jared, who just nods his head. 

 

"You're an awesome person, Jensen. I hear the things all the kids at school are saying. What a bunch of assholes." 

 

Jensen really likes Jared. Like...he really, really, really does. 

 

It's the next day when Jared shows up on the Ackles' doorstep with a bag full of gummi bears and a couple of kit-kat bars. 

 

"Let's go out." 

 

Jensen gives him a funny look. "Out?" 

 

Jared nods and grins. "Out, yes. Good job, Jensen." 

 

Jensen throws him the dirtiest look he can muster. "Why would you want to go out in public with me? I'm crazy, remember?" 

 

"I sit with you in school and crap, don't I?" 

 

"I guess." Jensen's mind flickers to the fact that Jared's gay and the fact that Jensen wants to run his tongue over those soft lips of his and he gets butterflies in his stomach. 

 

"So. Are we going out or what?" 

 

"What's with the candy?" 

 

Jared grins. "Payment if you go out with me. You never go out." Jared dangles a kit-kat bar in front of him, makes a puppy dog face and Jensen hates him for a millisecond. 

 

"You don't play fair," he grumbles as he walks down the few steps of his porch. He grabs the kit-kat and he and Jared take off down the sidewalk. 

 

They walk for almost 15 minutes before stopping.

 

"How did you know?" Jensen turns to Jared, awe coloring his tone. 

 

"Know what?" 

 

"Thought I was the dumb one here?" 

 

It's meant to be a joke but Jared turns around and glares at Jensen. "You're not dumb. And I asked your mom." 

 

"When?"

 

Jared shrugs his shoulders and opens the door. "When I left your house yesterday." 

 

Jensen stares up at the sign of his favorite diner and finally walks through the door. They get seated and something dawns on Jensen. "I didn't bring any money or anything." Jared just looks up from the menu, but doesn't say anything. "What is this, Jared?"

 

Jared sets the menu down and looks up at Jensen again, biting his bottom lip. "Look. We've...I don't know. We've only known each other about three weeks now. And I'm at your house everyday after school. And can I just say that I could be doing other things if I wanted? But I like hanging out with you. And...." 

 

Jensen feels the color drain from his face. Is this a date? Okay. He's pretty sure he's gay. He's pretty sure he has been since forever now. The voices tell him. Plus, he really, really, really does wanna taste those freaking lips.

 

He...thinks about Jared. All the time. It can't be normal. But he wasn't about to divulge that information with the one person whose lips he wanted to taste. Jared also hasn't run away from him yet. He's not losing him now. But he's the school abomination. And Jared's on the soccer team and stuff. Soon to be football. And just... 

 

"Jensen?" Jensen was doing that rambling thing in his head. He snaps out of it and focuses on the person sitting across from him. "Have you heard a word I said?" 

 

And no, he really hasn't. "Sorry," he says after a second.

 

Jared stands up and looks down at him. "Sorry for not listening to me or sorry that you just realized this was a date?" 

 

He walks out the door and Jensen sees an old figure he used to see all the time way back then.

 

It's a black, glossy smoke on the wall and it just starts...grinning at Jensen. He needs to leave now. 

 

He finds Jared walking down the sidewalk that leads back to his street when he all but runs out the door. He follows behind him for a short while until he can't take it anymore and rushes after him. 

 

Jared must hear him because he stops right on the sidewalk right before Jensen can reach him. 

 

"Jared...I. I'm sorry." 

 

Jared spins on his heels and there's something close to sadness on his face. "No, I'm sorry. That was really second grade of me to just storm out." Jensen kind of agrees but stays quiet. "I just really like you Jensen. And just...I don't know, man. I thought maybe you were gay. I had a feeling. But I didn't even ask and you've never said anything. And I know you think that there's no way someone could like you, but you...and just..." 

 

Jensen stops him. "I am gay. And there really isn't a way someone could like me. I'm just that school skitzo." 

 

Jared sighs. "You're so wrong, man. It's just nobody wants to take the time to get to know that part of you." 

 

Jensen stares down at an ant crossing the sidewalk. The voice tells him to crush it. He does. His face falls when he thinks about how it could have had an ant family or something. Jensen regrets stepping on it.

 

He gives a silent sorry to the ant and glances up at Jared. "But you're taking the time to get to know that part of me." 

 

Jared grins. "I am."

 

And Jensen thinks that things are gonna be okay from here on out.


	2. I'm Falling Even More In Love With You, Letting Go Of All I've Held Onto

It's football season at school. Jensen really hates it , but he's also come to love it.

 

He hates it for the fact that all 700+ pairs of eyes at the school stare at him when he walks through the gate. He hates it because said pairs of eyes also have mouths. Mouths that like to yell, 'Fag! Queer!' now along with the crazy remarks. For the most part, Jensen still ignores them. But they've gotten a little worse in the last couple months.

 

And the reason he loves football season? It's the only reason, actually, but his boyfriend is the one in that number 17 jersey.

 

Jensen is completely in over his head with one Jared Tristan Padalecki. His rock. His better, untainted half. He figures it isn't healthy being so in...like with him so early. But Jensen craves this. He needs someone to be there, needs someone to chase away the voices when they get to be too much. And Jared always seems completely happy to do just that. So Jensen is not gonna look a free horse, or gift, or something, in the mouth.

 

"Hey, queer?" Jensen tries his best to ignore whoever is calling him, but they keep pestering him until he turns around. It's that dumb class clown kid, Chad Murray. "Your boyfriend just won us the game." He pauses. "So, who's gonna be the one taking dick in their ass tonight?" **That was a good one. Don't you think so, Jensen? I like that kid.**

 

Jensen turns back on his spot in the bleachers and feels his face turn red. Like, super duper red. He doesn't get why he can't just be a blip on the radar. He'd be a lot happier if that were the case. **Because they get pleasure out of torturing you. Just like we do.**

 

He also gets super duper red because...he wants to try that. He wants to give the last piece of himself away to Jared. Jensen thinks, or hopes, Jared would really love him for doing that. And he just wants Jared happy.

 

Besides, two, almost three months, is long enough to wait on sex, right?

 

Jensen really, really, really loves when he gets to taste those lips, don't get him wrong, and he loves it when Jared is staring down at him and just runs his fingers through Jensen's hair. The voices stay away then, too, Jensen notices. But Jensen's just curious. Too curious for his own good.

 

The stands are still going crazy when Jared runs up to Jensen. Jensen decides right then that Jared looks really good in his football outfit. The red, black and lines of white on his jersey sit really good against his skin tone. And it fits really well over his muscles. Jensen thinks the jersey could afford to be shrunken just a bit.

 

He smiles despite the throng of students around him calling Jared and him 'the crazy fag duo.' Jared just grins, too, and walks up to Jensen, planting a kiss right on his lips. "Hey, hot shit. I won the game." Jared beams.

 

Jensen's heart swells. "I seen. I'm so proud of you."

 

Jared nips at Jensen's bottom lip with his teeth. "No. I'm proud of you. You hate being at stuff like this."

 

Jensen nods his head. "Yes, yes I do. But you're worth it."

 

Jared smiles and runs off with the team. Jensen leaves the stands and goes to meet him at the exit/entrance by the parking lot like he always does.

 

While Jensen stands there a girl comes up to him. A cheerleader, if her outfit is anything to go by. He can't tell with all the makeup she has on but Jensen thinks he's seen her in the hallways a couple times. She walks up to Jensen and he can tell she's scared about something. She probably thinks Jensen is going to flip on her. This makes him a little angry.

 

"Jensen?"

 

"What?" he snaps.

 

"I...Uhm. I'm Danni. I just...I don't know where to start. I just wanted to apologize to you.."

 

Jensen is even more angry at this point. He doesn't get why people just won't leave him alone. Nobody ever wants to apologize to Jensen. "Go! Just get away from me!"

 

The girl, Danni, covers her mouth and runs off the other way.

 

And then everything kind of goes black. Jensen can see faces in the shadows. Not the ones from before, so Jensen takes that as a good thing, but still. They leer at him. He spins in a circle but that black smoke is all around him. He shakes his head and closes his eyes. All he wanted was for everyone to just leave him alone.

 

Why won't they?

 

When he opens his eyes again it's Jared's face he sees. "Jensen! Are you okay, man?" Jared's hands are on his shoulders. "Dude, that was weird as hell."

 

Anger flares through Jensen and he pushes at Jared's chest. He sees another face over Jared's shoulder and it's grinning at him, too. He runs away from Jared without a second glance.

 

"Dude! Jensen! Babe! Where are you...I...Fuck! Slow down!"

 

He only gets a couple blocks before something hard smashes into him and they go rolling into the bushes lining the sidewalk. He scrapes his forehead on a branch that was sticking out and it somehow clears the grinning faces away. For now.

 

He shakes his head and rolls over, with a little difficulty, as Jared's body is now covering him. Jared has a few tears in his eyes and Jensen wipes them away with the pad of his thumb. "Don't do that."

 

Jared snorts incredulously. "Gaah...do what? Cry! Jensen, you just...was that..."

 

Jensen doesn't like that he made Jared cry. He never meant for that to happen. He gently pushes Jared over and gets up. "I have to get home. I'm okay, really. Just..."

 

He doesn't know what to say. He was feeling really angry a little bit ago and now he just wants to crawl in a dark hole. He never wanted Jared to cry. He walks off and looks back at Jared, who's still sitting on the ground.

 

He gets home and runs right into the living room. His mama, dad and sister are sitting there. Donna instantly flies up from her spot on the couch. "Jensen, honey, what happened? You have dirt and grass all over you. And what happened to your forehead? Where's Jared?"

 

"I...it happened again. Not like the last time, not nearly as bad. But mama, I made Jared cry."

 

Donna shakes her head. "He'll understand, baby."

 

The next day Jensen doesn't go to school. Instead he takes a trip to his doctor. They talk about what happened and Jensen feels so much better. She ups his medicine a couple milligrams, but Jensen can live with that.

 

"Jensen, dear, you have got to stop listening to those awful people at school. You know that, right?"

 

Jensen agrees with her. He needs to, he does know that. But people don't get it and all Jensen wants is for them to just understand.

 

They, he and his mama, are driving home from the doctors when it hits him. He hasn't spoken to Jared at all. And he knows Jared would have called by now or something. Or he would have seen him. They live right next to each other for crying out loud.

 

Jensen looks at the clock and sees that it's almost time for school to get out. "Can we stop at the flower store?"

 

They get home and Jensen sees Jared walking up to his house. Jared turns his head when Jensen shuts the car door. Jensen takes the single pink rose and grabs the small bag of assorted candy they bought at the cheap candy store next to the flower place. Jensen is really trying to apologize here, okay?

 

He walks over to Jared, who was now just standing there with his backpack slung over his right shoulder, staring at him. "Hey." Jared just gives him that one head nod gesture and his insides churn. Is he mad at Jensen? Does he want to leave? All possibilities run through Jensen's mind and he suddenly feels sick. **Why would anyone want to stay with your psychotic crazy ass? He's gonna leave eventually.** He wants to crawl in that dark hole again. He sets the flower and candy down on the bench and turns back toward his house.

 

"Jensen..." And Jared's voice is so soft. Jensen feels his heart turn to mush. Jensen stops but doesn't turn around. "Are you...okay?" He nods his head but doesn't say anything. He really just wants the comfort of that dark hole. "So, you're not gonna talk to me?"

 

And that right there makes Jensen turn around and find comfort in the crook of Jared's shoulder instead of the dark hole. "I'm sorry, Jared."

 

He feels strong, warm arms wrap around his back and pull him even closer. Lips are pressed to the top of his head. "Don't even." A couple seconds go by and he feels Jared shift around. "Oh, thanks for the flower and what I'm hoping is a bag of candy, by the way."

 

Jensen pulls away and smiles at the most amazing thing in his life. "You're sharing the candy with me, though. You can keep the flower."

 

Jared laughs and Jensen feels those soft lips touch his. Jensen is suddenly reminded of something.

 

He pushes back hard against Jared's lips with his and Jared's eyes pop open. Jensen has never really been the one to initiate anything before. He wraps a hand over Jared's neck when Jared tries pulling away and then Jared gives in, a small moan escaping his lips.

 

Jensen revels in it.

 

He pulls away gasping for air and Jared smirks. "Wanna tell me what that was?"

 

Jensen musters up all the courage in the world that he possibly can and pushes it into one sentence. "I'd r..rather show you." It's meant to come out strong, but Jensen stutters a bit through it. He grimaces and glances up at Jared.

 

Jared's eyes glaze over and Jensen sees a flash of darkness in there. He wonders if that's how Jensen looks when he gets all weird. He pushes that thought away when Jared grabs his hand and they rush into Jared's house.

 

When they get inside Jared pushes Jensen up against the door. Jensen can feel every inch of Jared plastered against him.

 

Jensen moans when he feels the outline of Jared's dick against his thigh and Jared just smirks. "See what you do to me?" Then his voice softens. "You deserve this Jensen. You deserve someone who is gonna be able to give you the world. You really do." Jared kisses him and gently lifts his shirt up, exposing Jensen's barely toned stomach. Jared runs his fingertips back and forth across his belly. Jensen shivers. "Have you been working out lately?"

 

Jensen pushes Jared back a little and groans. "We're talking about this now? Yeah, a few times. Doctor said it helps with my..." Jensen doesn't get to finish his sentence because Jared just took his shirt off the rest of the way and was getting down on his knees.

 

Jensen trembles. He's never done this and Jared knows that. Jensen wants to freak out. Jared's more experienced and now Jensen won't measure up. **Told you.**

 

Jensen was too busy doing that stupid rambling thing in his head when he feels warm air on...himself. He looks down and Jared has his dick out and was holding it around the bottom part.

 

Jared glances up at Jensen. "We don't have to do this, you know. I love your kisses as much as I'm liking this."

 

"No, Jared, I want to." And then Jensen is feeling his hips buck forward because Jared had just wrapped his lips around where his hand was. "Doesn't that hurt you or something?" Jared grins around Jensen's dick and he decides that that is an image he wouldn't mind playing over and over in his head.

 

Jared starts licking hard and slow up his dick, up to the tip. And then he gently blows on it. Jensen throws his head back and let's out a whimper that he thinks he'll deny later. When his head bangs against the door, but doesn't register any kind of pain, Jensen decides that this is better than any medicine he could take or any sessions he could have with his doctor.

 

He barely has time to think before Jared is going back down on his dick and bobbing his head up and down. Jensen hears slurping noises and wet sounds and the noises just start pouring out of him. Somehow his fingers find their way to Jared's hair and he grabs and pulls. Jared groans around his dick.

 

A few more bobbing up and down moves mixed with Jared's hand sliding up and down and twisting when it does come back up and Jensen starts feeling funny. "Jared. I...oh my god." His head falls back again.

 

"Let go for me, Jensen."

 

A couple more of Jared's techniques and Jensen is crying out. He looks down and watches his dick shoot it's stuff right on Jared's face. Jared grins and Jensen slides slowly down to the floor. "Your face is dirty, sorry." Jensen reaches to grab his shirt.

 

"I don't like the taste of that stuff, so this will definitely work just fine." Jensen tries not to think about where Jared's mouth has been for him to be able to know what that stuff tastes like.

 

Jensen wipes Jared's face off and runs a fingertip over where his come just was. "I thought you looked so hot like that."

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Mm."

 

Jared leans in and kisses Jensen. It's soft this time. Tender. Just like the ones when they're laying down together. Jared pulls away and looks toward his room. "Nobody's gonna be home for at least," He checks the wall clock. "At least another couple hours. Did you still want to..."

 

He trails off and Jensen gets it. Jensen stands, grabbing Jared's hand and pulling him with. They reach Jared's room and Jensen feels that streak of confidence come back. He grabs a handful of Jared's shirt and pulls him towards the bed. Jensen falls back on the bed as soon as he feels his legs hit the side of it.

 

Jared growls. And it makes Jensen's cock twitch and harden a little again. "You. Are. Perfect."

 

**You're really not, he's just getting off.** Jensen reaches up and his lips find purchase against Jared's. Jared pulls away too soon for Jensen's liking and he frowns. "I wasn't done doing that."

 

Jared laughs and bends down to Jensen once more. Kisses make Jensen happy. They really do.

 

Jared suddenly starts getting too close to Jensen, Jared's face smushed up against his. He really doesn't like that. So he scoots back. Jared grins while Jensen catches his bottom lip and nips a little, just like Jared does.

 

"Keep moving back, baby." Jensen scoots until he's flush against the headboard.

 

Jared finally pulls away and Jensen can breathe again. He blurts out, "I love you," before he can stop himself. **Cat's out of the bag now. Get ready for him to leave.** Jensen covers his mouth with his hand and a single tear slides down his cheek. Jared can't leave. He just can't. **But he will. You just scared him off.**

 

"Jensen?"

 

Jensen shakes his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean... Don't leave, please."

 

"Why would I leave?"

 

Jensen bites his bottom lip and all but launches himself at Jared. He straddles Jared's lap and feels his dick pressing against his ass. "Are you...do you want me to..." Jensen looks behind him and down briefly then back to Jared.

 

"No, this is all about you right now. I'll get mine when I finally get inside that tight little ass." He looks up at Jensen with uncertainty in his eyes. That much is clear to Jensen. Jared is just as scared as he is.

 

But Jensen? Well, Jensen's dick just...jumped. And is fully hard again.

 

Jared runs his hands up and down Jensen's back, doing smoothing circles. "You still sure?" Jensen's never been more sure. He nods and Jared kisses him one more time. "Lay down on the bed."

 

Jensen does and he watches Jared strip. Jensen is beginning to see just how much he is really going to like this with Jared. "Can we do this all the time?"

 

Jared laughs. It echoes in the quiet room. "Whenever you wanna do this? Just let me know." Jared's voice dropped a couple notches and Jensen's dick was now leaking at the tip. Jared leaned down and licked the small bead off. Jensen groaned and bucked his hips.

 

Jared gets on the bed and situates himself by Jensen's dick. "I'm gonna start doing some stuff..."

 

"So you can get yours in my tight little ass." Jensen interrupts and wiggles his ass for emphasis. Jensen sees that dark look flash in Jared's eyes again and he whimpers.

 

"Exactly. Let me know if you don't like anything, I mean it."

 

Jensen just lays there until he feels Jared move his face inches within Jensen's hole. "God, Jensen. So beautiful. Just waiting to be fucked." Jensen whimpers again. He needs new noises to make during sex that really aren't so embarassing.

 

Jared reaches his tongue out and licks up and down and around Jensen's hole and Jensen shivers. And then cries out loud when Jared is pressing inside with his tongue. "Holy, jesus, shit, Jared."

 

Jared chuckles. "Your mom will 'tan your hide' if she ever hears you talk like that." Jensen agrees. Jared starts back in with his tongue and Jensen thinks he can definitely see them doing this a lot.

 

Jared raises his head back up and nods toward his nightstand. "Will you get that stuff out of the drawer?"

 

Jensen fumbles around until his hand feels the small knob on the drawer. He pulls it open and glances up from the bed. "Lube?"

 

"It'll hurt a lot more without it. And for your first time, I'm not fucking you without it. Grab the condom, too."

 

Jensen grabs the things and flings them gently down the bed at Jared. He hears the condom being opened and the latex snapping and sliding on. He looks up and Jared's stroking himself. Jared looks up at Jensen and grins.

 

Jensen is so in love. **He hasn't said it back yet, though. You're so stupid.**

 

Jensen hears a lid being snapped open and the sound of the lube being squirted onto Jared's fingers, he assumes. He shivers. He's so close to doing this. He grins to himself at the thought.

 

A few seconds later he feels a finger at his hole instead of Jared's tongue. The finger pushes in, Jensen tenses up and Jared starts rubbing circles on his thigh. It helps a little. "Loosen up for me. I'm gonna make it so much better, babe."

 

Jensen does his deep breathing exercise the doctor showed him and feels himself start to loosen up.

 

"Good boy, baby." Jensen's dick twitches.

 

Pretty soon Jared has two fingers in and crooking them and hitting a spot inside Jensen that has him whimpering, moaning, crying out and floating to a place of peace all at the same time. Jared does that thing with his fingers until he adds one more finger. Jensen cries out in slight pain.

 

"Baby, hey, it's okay. I swear I'll make it better." Jared reaches the hand that isn't stuffed in Jensen and splays it across Jensen's stomach. Jensen brings his hand down and clasps his fingers together with Jared's.

 

The next thing Jensen knows he's back in that place of peace again and a pile of goo on the bed. Jensen realizes the voices haven't come back since Jared started doing that. He really is in love.

 

"You ready, hot shit?" Jensen grins at the use of his nickname being said during this and just nods his head. Jensen hears more lube being squirted out. He hears it squish on Jared's dick as he strokes himself.

 

And then Jared is pressing up against Jensen's hole.

 

He pushes in a little bit and is hit with resistance. Jensen feels it start to burn, but not to the point of being completely uncomfortable yet. Every time that Jared inches in, Jensen can feel the burn start to intensify. He lays still, willing it to subside.

 

And then it happens.

 

Jared pushes past his hole and there's a freaking flash of pain and Jensen cries out, louder than before. "T-take it back out, p-please. It hurt..." Jensen's voice breaks off on the 'S' with a wretched moan because Jared just pushed in another inch and Jensen is not liking this a whole lot right now.

 

"Jensen, you've gotta calm down. It'll hurt worse if I pull back out." Jensen shuts his eyes as Jared pushes in more. "Jensen...Look, I'll stop if you want me to?"

 

Jensen's eyes snap open at the hurt and sadness he was sure he just heard in Jared's tone. No. Jensen did not want him to stop. To answer his question, Jensen tries scooting himself down the bed, taking a little bit more of Jared in in the process.

 

Jared groans and lets his head fall against Jensen's shoulder. "Fuck. This is...You are so fucking tight, Jensen. So." Push. "Fucking." Push. "Tight...oh my god." Fully in. Jared stills and lifts his head up. "Are you okay?"

 

Jensen doesn't trust his voice right now, so he just nods. Jared doesn't move for what seems like forever and Jensen uses that time to get used to Jared. It's not bad once Jensen does his deep breathing exercises. It's actually nice after his breathing is controlled and he let's his body get adjusted to that thing Jensen didn't really know Jared's been carrying around. It's even better when Jared finally starts moving.

 

He pulls out in one long, slow movement, stills, and pushes back in the same way. Jared does this a few more times until Jensen decides he wants a little more. "Move. Please." And Jared does.

 

The pace is pretty easy going at first, Jensen turning into a writhing mess under Jared. And then Jared gets a mischievous gleam in his eyes, hooks Jensen's legs around his shoulders and starts up an even steadier pace than before.

 

Jensen is totally in love with Jared. And it feels so good to just let go and not hear any of those voices.

 

Suddenly, Jared brushes over that spot from before and Jensen arches up off the bed a little, a moan falling off his lips. Jared grins and reaches down to grasp Jensen's lips with his. Jared keeps hitting that spot when they're kissing and Jensen keeps moaning into Jared's mouth. Jared just seems to swallow them up.

 

Jared stops for a minute and Jensen gets angry for one whole second before he sees Jared lift up from the bed and sit back on his haunches. Jared leans forward and rests one hand on the headboard and his arm on the pillow underneath Jensen's head. He leans down, damn near folding Jensen in half. And then he starts pounding into Jensen.

 

Hearing Jared's hips snaps against his ass like that is a sound that Jensen thinks he just fell in love with and wants to hear on a regular basis.

 

The change in angle to that spot has Jensen doing that moaning, whimpering and crying out thing and he doesn't care. He just lets go completely. "Holy...fuck...Shit...Jare...d. Nughhh."

 

"Fuck, Jensen. I'm like, right there." And Jensen is, too.

 

His dick is a slight shade of purple, a deep red. The head is leaking. Jared hits that spot fucking hard and then Jensen is coming all over his and Jared's stomach.

 

Jared lets go, too, it seems because he drops barriers that Jensen can almost actually see dropping away and Jared just...lays into him.

 

He gives a few deep, hard, if-this-was-some-90lb-guy-he'd-be-nothing-but-a-broken-pile-of-bones thrusts and then Jensen can feel Jared shooting his load into his ass. It's warm, leaking out of him when Jared pulls out and flops on the bed beside him and unlike anything he's felt before.

 

He really, really, really wants to do this again. And sort of soon.

 

"Holy fuck." Jared says then sighs. "You are so amazing."

 

Jensen snorts. "You did all the work. And my ass feels..."

 

"Sore?"

 

"Uncomfortable."

 

Jared leans over and kisses Jensen softly. "It will for a couple days. It'll probably be a little bit worse tomorrow."

 

"Will it be like that all the time?"

 

"The sex being that damn great? Yes. Your ass being sore? No. It gets better."

 

They lay there for a bit until Jared leans over the edge of the bed and stares down at the alarm clock he knocked off the nightstand this morning. "We should probably shower and stuff." A pause. "You stink like you just got fucked twenty-two ways from Sunday."

 

Jensen gets up and showers, putting on the same pants, but one of Jared's college football shirts, when he's done. It smells like Jared and Jensen loves it. Maybe it'll help when the voices are there and Jared isn't. Jared gets his shower, faster than Jensen did, and sees Jensen just sitting there staring at him when he walks out of the bathroom, towel still wrapped around his waist.

 

"Something wrong?"

 

Jensen shakes his head. It started out a different problem, but the fact that Jared is now standing there in just a towel with water dripping down his perfect toned body. Well...Jensen could possibly be up for round two.

 

The main problem, though, is that it occurred to him while Jared was showering that Jared hasn't said I love you back. And it's starting to scare him again. And the voices are going to remind him about that just as soon as he comes down off his sex high.

 

"Jensen...talk to me." Jared sits on the edge of the bed. Jensen can smell his body wash and it really makes Jensen want Jared to put his dick back in his ass again.

 

Jensen shakes his head and stands up. "No. I'm just gonna go. Talk to you later?"

 

Jared sighs and pushes off from the bed to give Jensen a kiss. "Fine. Bye." Jensen takes a few steps before Jared calls for him. "Oh, and Jensen Ross?" He turns around and Jared is grinning at him. His dimples in full effect. "I love you, too."

 

Jensen melts on the inside and turns back around to leave. He thinks he hears Jared say, 'Fucking crazy ass.'

 

But for once...Jensen doesn't mind hearing it.


	3. And I'm Running To Him When The Sun Goes Down

"Jared. Pleeease." Jensen hated begging. Well, that wasn't entirely true. He liked begging when it came to Jared, but hated it with everyone else.

 

"God. Look at you, Jensen. Everyone at school thinks you're just some shy, fucked up, psychotic kid. Too bad they can't see you on your hands and knees right now begging for dick. So hot." Jensen whimpers and pushes back at Jared's dick with his ass. Jared grins and Jensen hears a resounding 'whack' before he feels the sting.

 

"Jesus, Jared."

 

"I love you, you know that, right? You've opened up so much for me. So perfect." He doesn't know so much about the perfect part, but Jensen really has opened up to Jared lately. It's exhilarating, exciting and downright scary to Jensen. But he trusts Jared. With everything he has.

 

"Seriously, Jare, just fuck me."

 

"Are the voices telling you to say that?" Jensen allows himself to turn his head and grin at his boyfriend of about 7 months now. Jared's comments like that weren't so bad compared to everyone else's.

 

Jared lines himself up and Jensen feels him slide home a minute later. Jensen groans at that feeling. That feeling of being so...full. So full of Jared.

 

Jensen grabs a handful of Jared's comforter and lets out a groan as he starts moving himself up and down Jared's dick. They're just a mixture of slow shallow and deep thrusts, but Jared always lets Jensen do this before Jensen lets him have full control. Just another reason why Jensen loves Jared so much.

 

Jensen does one more deep thrust before Jared is gripping Jensen's hips and setting up a punishing pace without warning.

 

Jensen buries his face in Jared's comforter, feels his face rubbing against it every time Jared pulls out and pushes back in hard. Jensen hopes he won't get burn marks on his cheeks.

 

"This is mine." Jared slaps Jensen's ass again and Jensen thinks he'll feel that one for a bit. "No one else gets this." Jared hits his spot and Jensen definitely has to agree with him.

 

And then he does something that confuses Jensen; he pulls out. Jensen looks up at him from the bed, ready to yell, when Jared climbs on the bed, lays down on his back and says, "Ride me, Jensen."

 

Jensen hesitates for a second. That statement right there shouldn't have been as hot it sounded. He then climbs over the top of Jared and Jared guides his dick back to Jensen's entrance. It's used, leaking and the epitome of Jared's heaven. Jared slides back in and Jensen gives him a half-smile.

 

"What?"

 

Jensen shrugs his shoulder. "It's nice to be a little in control of something for a bit." Jensen starts lifting his hips up and slowly sliding back down, getting his part done before handing himself over to Jared. He leans back, putting his hands on Jared's thighs, and groans. "Jare, this feels so good." Jared thrusts his hips up slightly and Jensen's head falls back. "I just want to stay like this."

 

"Well, you weigh a ton, so I can't guarantee that we'll stay like this for long."

 

"Did you just call me fat? I go to the gym, Jared. I am so not," Jensen slides his hips down hard and hears a small smacking noise. "Fat."

 

Jared lets a strangled cry fall off his lips. "Jesus fuck, Jensen."

 

And Jensen decides he wants Jared to get a dose of his own medicine instead.

 

He starts bouncing up and down. As fast as his body allows him to. There's sweat beading on his forehead, skin slapping against skin, moans matching moans. Jensen doesn't think it could get any better than this. Jensen looks down and sees Jared wrap his fingers around his dick. The slight pressure from already being hard makes Jensen gasp and he starts losing it. He feels his toes curl and his hole clench, and Jared must, too, because Jared does one of them whimpers and Jensen feels so proud of himself.

 

"Jared, I'm g..." And that's all Jensen gets out before he's coming all over Jared's chest. He bites his lip as Jared milks him through the last wave of his orgasm. Jensen sighs, taking deep breaths, when Jared suddenly starts pistoning his hips into Jensen. Jensen cries out. He almost forgot Jared wasn't finished. "Shit, Jare..Jare..Jare."

 

"You make the prettiest sounds...Gah!" And then Jared is shooting his load into Jensen's ass and Jensen just feels so at peace. He lays against Jared's chest, listening to Jared come down from his orgasm. Jensen decides that Jared sounds prettiest like this.

 

Suddenly, Jensen gets a weird feeling. He's laying on Jared, but something isn't right. He sits up and Jared laughs, echoes booming around the room. "Dude, you just laid down in your own come pile. So hilarious."

 

Jensen groans and raises himself off Jared, hissing at the loss of Jared's dick. "That's so gross. I forgot about it being there."

 

Jared scoots to the edge of the bed and suddenly starts fidgeting with his fingers. Jensen's insides twist and turn. He already wants to cry. **He's leaving you, this is it.** "Jen...Can I ask you something?" A tear pools in the corner of Jensen's eye. Jared groans. "Why are you crying? Sometimes your whole 'I have schizophrenia' sucks. What are you thinking right now? And don't tell me nothing. Are they telling you something?"

 

It warms Jensen down to his core that Jared talks about the voices like they're real. It shouldn't be like that. But that just means that Jared accepts Jensen for who he is. And Jensen loves that. "They say you're going to leave. Is that what you're doing?"

 

Jared scoffs. "Christ, no, I'm not leaving you." Then his tone softens. "I love you, Jensen. I would never."

 

"What were you gonna ask then?"

 

Jared digs into the carpet with his toes. Jensen can tell he's nervous. "Uhm...Well, what are we gonna, like...do after we graduate? It's soon."

 

This is what Jared was asking? Jensen insides tighten even more. "You're going to school, aren't you?"

 

Jared shakes his head. "No, I mean, yeah, I am. What are you gonna do, though?"

 

Jensen hasn't thought about that yet. He hasn't really wanted to. Because once Jared leaves for school, Jensen's going to go back to how he was before. Or worse. "I don't want to talk about that, Jared."

 

"Well, we're going to. Just so you know."

 

It's Jensen's turn to fiddle with his fingers and the carpet. "But I don't want to, Jare."

 

"Are you scared?"

 

Jensen doesn't look up, but he answers, "Very."

 

"Of?"

 

**You're too much of a pussy to say anything.** Jensen decides to let down his wall that he was on his way to put back up. "I'm scared that time is going to go way too fast and you're going to be leaving before I know it. And then I'm scared that you'll find someone who isn't so messed up. I'm scared that I won't be able to get through my days without you here anymore. That the voices will get worse once you leave and I'll end up just like I was before. Jare, I..." He feels his wall slide back up. "I think I just need to go home." He gathers up his clothes, throwing them on as he walks over to Jared's door. He forgets about the come smeared on his stomach until he feels the fabric of his shirt sticking to him.

 

"You're not leaving, Jensen."

 

But Jensen's in a mood now and he just wants to leave. He was so stupid to say what he did. Now it's for sure that Jared is going to leave him. He already sees glimpses of grinning faces. He walks out of Jared's room and into the hallway, but something grabs him.

 

"Jensen, stop! I'm serious. You're not leaving here until we're done talking!"

 

The tears are falling down Jensen's cheeks. He wasn't even aware he was crying. "Jared...I. I don't know what you want from me! I haven't brought up school for a reason. I'm happy just living day to day! I'm not stupid, it's crossed my mind. You're eventually going to leave! I get that. I...I just. I don't know. I don't. I fell in love with you. I was really scared to, but I did. And that was my mistake. Because you're not the only one with..."

 

"I want you to come with me."

 

What? "What?"

 

"When we graduate, come with me?"

 

The voices were quiet. Jensen was speechless. "You...go...what?"

 

"It's not something you need to decide right now. Obviously. I won't start school until way later in the year. Jensen, I really, really like you. I love you. You deal with stuff everyday that nobody can even begin to comprehend. And you still manage to care about people. You have such a big heart. You're so damn strong. You randomly bring me bags of candy. And you'll call me just to talk to me before bed because you don't want the voices to be the last thing you hear. You, like, really complete me. And I know we're young and I know you have problems, but I do okay so far, don't I? I need to learn this stuff, I wanna learn this stuff. I want you with me. I can't have you away from me. I just can't." Jensen is absolutely speechless at this point. The voices aren't even here and he doesn't know what to do. He tries to speak, wills any semblance of a word to his lips, but nothing comes out. "Jensen?" He shakes his head and the tears start up again. He finally does the only thing he knows he's good at.

 

He runs. He doesn't run very far, just next door, back home. But he runs nonetheless.

 

When Jensen gets home, he runs right up to his room. He shuts the door and turns on his iPod. The music calms him down a little. A knock at his door a while later startles him.

 

"Jensen, honey, can I come in?" He was fully expecting Jared to be there for some reason, not his mama. "Is everything okay? Mackenzie said you looked really upset when you walked in."

 

Jensen takes a few seconds to answer, but he decides that since his mama has been through everything under the sun with him, that she'd be the first person to go to. "Do you ever think about me leaving the house someday? You know, me being on my own?"

 

"Is this a conversation where I'm brutally honest?"

 

Jensen smiles. "Yes, mama."

 

"Well, yes, Jensen, I do. But I think I push it away and try my best not to think of it."

 

"Because of the schizophrenia?"

 

Donna smiles ginergly. "Yes. That and you're my son, my baby boy." Her smile falters a bit. "I just get so scared, Jensen."

 

"Me, too."

 

"Can I ask what brought this on?"

 

There it is. The question Jensen knew was inevitably coming, but was still dreading. "Well...Jared..."

 

"I like him, baby. He treats you really well."

 

Jensen fully agrees with that. "He said...Well, he wants me to...I don't know if I'd be able to do it."

 

"Well, it'd help if I knew what."

 

Jensen actually laughs, softly, but still laughs. "Heaskedmetogowithhimwhenhegraduates," it came out with one breath, in one word. Donna tenses, it's minisucle, but Jensen caught it. "Mama?"

 

"We're being brutally honest. So...I'm not sure, Jensen. If I ever decide to let you go, it would be with someone like Jared. But you both are so young. But..." Jensen really hated 'buts.' "I think if you decided to go that we'd help out all we can. We'd worry day and night. I'd probably call every two seconds."

 

"You'd be okay with it?"

 

"Absolutely not." She smiles. "I'd be a lot better with it if you were a little older, though."

 

"I'm gonna be 19 in like, a month."

 

"Still, Jensen, but I think I'd just be more concerned about you having an episode. But we can't let this disease affect you like that, though, you know, baby?"

 

"Yeah, mama. I just...I'm scared to lose him. I feel normal when I'm with him. He doesn't treat me like he knows I'm all crazy and stuff."

 

"We can always schedule a meeting with your doctor. See what she thinks about this."

 

Jensen smiles. "Do it."

 

Four whole days go by and Jensen goes out of his way to avoid Jared each day. He didn't actually make up his mind and he wasn't ready to face him just yet. He avoids him in the hallway at school and when they get home. By the fourth day, Jared's stopped even trying to talk to him. Jensen misses him so much. He knows he can just go next door and see him, but he wants to talk to his doctor first. The voices haven't come back at all and Jensen's sort of freaking out about that. He wants to ask her about that and then talk to her about possibly moving into an apartment or house or something with Jared. He just wants to be sure.

 

Does Jensen want to live with Jared? Yes, he does. But he's scared. That's all it comes down to, is Jensen being scared.

 

His doctor appointment finally rolls around and Jensen is doing that whole 'bouncing off the walls' saying. He walks into the office and his doctor smiles.

 

"Jensen. You seem so happy today!"

 

"I am."

 

They sit and talk. He tells her about the voices not being around anymore. She thinks maybe they've finally hit a breaking point. Jensen doesn't know. He finally tells her about moving in with Jared and being on his own. "Jensen! That's so great, honey! And you want to?" Jensen nods his head. "Oh, Jensen. This opens up so many possibilities for you. Having a job, for someone who has schizophrenia, is a really huge step. It'd help clear your mind even more. We'd be down to even less visits. And that's essentially what we want. Even though I do like hearing from you, I feel better when I know you're okay. Oh, Jensen, seriously. I'm so happy. If your parents are behind you with this, then I fully encourage you to do this."

 

Jensen leaves the doctor's feeling completely refreshed, better than ever, actually. But he just thinks the non-schizophrenia part of him is the part that's finishing up its decision. That part doesn't know if its really ready to be on its own. And it's not rushing to make that decision.

 

Jensen returns back home and looks over at Jared's house. It doesn't look like anybody's home, but Jensen goes up to the door and knocks, anyway. It's a couple seconds before he hears feet shuffling across the hallway.

 

A guy that isn't Jared answers the door and Jensen loses his voice. He doesn't know the guy, so it's not his brother or anything. Definitely not his dad. Could be a cousin? Maybe. But Jensen doesn't think so for some reason.

 

"Jensen?" Jensen looks over the guys shoulder and sees Jared standing there. Jensen's jealousy and anger side comes to the conclusion that Jared looks like he just got caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. "Jensen...what are you doing here?" Jensen didn't think it was illegal to come see his boyfriend or anything like that. He turns around and walks back down the sidewalk. "Jen! Wait!" A hand flies out to grab his shoulder. "What are you doing here?"

 

Jensen spins on his heels and feels his waterworks start up. He cries way too much. "I just wanted to come see you and tell you how sorry I was about the last few days and how I talked to my doctor and how she thinks that me moving with you would be a great idea, but you're, like, busy and stuff so I don't want to bother you."

 

"Jensen, stop that, seriously. You can't do that."

 

Now Jensen's confused. "Do what?"

 

"Keep walking out and getting all crazy like that on me. I get that you're all skitzo and stuff, but I have feelings. And they can't just disappear because you're sick. I have to deal with them when you leave." Jensen notices there's a tear sliding down Jared's cheek, too. "Jesus christ, Jensen. You fucking ignored me for days straight. We've fought over stupid shit, sure, but they've lasted all of about two seconds. It's never been like this before."

 

"Did you have sex with him?" Jared takes a deep breath and something in Jensen just...breaks. He really didn't stop and think that when he gets like that and does walk out, that Jared takes it that hard. Jensen supposes he'd act the same if he wasn't like this. "You did, didn't you?"

 

His voice is quiet when he answers. "Jen, it's never been like this before. You've never gone out of your way to ignore me after a fight. Or it wasn't even a fight. But just...it hurt. I pretty much put my trust in you when I asked you that. I could have handled a rejection to my face, but you went and acted like I didn't even exist anymore. Four days of watching you leave for school, seeing you at school and coming home to see you. But you would never talk to me."

 

"Will you just answer me?"

 

"Yeah, Jensen, I did. I've known him my whole life and he was kinda just...there. It doesn't make it right but it didn't mean anything, not like when you and I do it. That's really all it was, him just being there." Jensen glances down and finds a blade of grass swaying in the wind interesting. "Do you hate me?"

 

Jensen snaps his head up. There's more than one tear on Jared's cheek now. And deep down, no, Jensen doesn't hate him. Jensen is kind of just as guilty as Jared. If Jared would of completely ignored him for four days straight, he would have thought Jared was done with him. "No. I could never hate you."

 

"It'd be easier if you did."

 

Jensen smiles a little. "Sorry."

 

There's awkward silence until Jared says, "So..."

 

Jensen interrupts him. The voices aren't there, but Jensen still feels like crawling in a hole. Not a very dark one, but just some kind of hole. "I'm gonna go home, Jare." Jared doesn't say anything or try and stop Jensen as he walks around him and up to his own house. When Jensen gets inside, he sits down in his favorite chair and just thinks.

 

Jensen makes it only 6 damn days before he caves in and finds his feet walking up the sidewalk to Jared's house. It's kind of ridiculous that he's fretting about it...they live right next to each other. Jensen's just returning a couple of Jared's shirts, anyway. No big deal. The door opens just as Jensen is about to knock.

 

"Oh! Jensen! Hi, honey! How have you been?" Jared's mom. She's so sweet.

 

"Good, Mrs. P. Is Jared home?"

 

"He's in the living room playing his dang videogames, dear. I've got to go pick up Megan from dance. Let yourself in."

 

Jensen walks into the living room and sees Jared sprawled out on the floor, laying on his belly. Jensen's eyes rake over his ass and he feels his dick betray him. "Jared?"

 

Jared immediately jumps up. "Jensen! Uhm, man, what, uh, what are you doing here?"

 

Jensen tosses him the two shirts. "Just wanted to give these back."

 

Jared's face shows a hint of sadness before he replaces it with his usual cheerfulness. "Thanks, man."

 

"Yeah." Now it's awkward. "Okay, well, I just wanted to drop those off. I'll talk to you later?" Jared just nods his head. Jensen stands there for a couple more seconds before scrambling back out the door.

 

Jensen doesn't get it. Things were going really well. Until he had one of his stupid fits and then Jared went and...well, you know. Technically this was all Jensen's fault. He knew that. Everyone was human and made mistakes. He shouldn't have ignored Jared like that. Hell, he went out of his way to make sure he avoided Jared. But he thought Jared would have, like, stopped him or something. Ran up to him and kissed him. Said he missed him. But he didn't. And that is what's messing with Jensen right now. Maybe Jared was just tired of him or something. And that's completely understandable. That happens all the time, right?

 

Jensen doesn't go back to his house but insteads finds himself at the park. There's really no one here except for some red-haired chick and a couple kids but Jensen's fine with that. He sits on the bench and kicks his toes at the small dirt pile in front of him.

 

"Jensen?" It's that red-haired chick.

 

"Yes?"

 

"It's...Danni. From that football game..."

 

Oh. Oh. Yeah. "Oh, hey." He scoots over and she sits down. "Sorry about that night, by the way."

 

She smiles. "It's okay. I guess you had every right to freak out on me."

 

Jensen smiles, too. "Maybe. Were you really trying to apologize?"

 

"Yes, I was. People treat you like shit and I got tired of it. I was sitting right below those bleachers when Chad started that 'crazy fag duo' chant."

 

Jensen snorts. "I have it on good authority that he's flunking this year and that it's too late to do any make-up work. So he'll be in summer school."

 

Danni laughs. "Good, good. He's such a dick." She pauses. "What are you doing here?"

 

He doesn't know why he answers, but he does. "Jared and I broke up, I think."

 

"You think?" And then Jensen tells her everything. He doesn't know why he's telling her all of this, but it feels good to get this off his chest. And Jensen leaves one phone number and friend heavier when it gets dark.

 

He gets home and finds Jared sitting on his porch with the two shirts he gave back to him earlier. Jensen's heart does a little flip. "Jare?"

 

Jared's head flies up. "Jensen! Hey..." And then his mood just...drops. He's suddenly all sad and tired like.

 

"Are you okay?"

 

"I. Well, I guess I am. Are you okay?"

 

Jensen shrugs his shoulders and sits down next to him. "I'm surprisingly fine." He sees Jared's shoulders sag even more, if it was possible at all.

 

"Do you hate me yet?"

 

Jensen is quiet when he answers. "No, Jare."

 

Jared pushes himself off the porch and Jensen can see that he's...angry? "You should be! Jensen, I...guh! Jensen! I fucking hurt you!" Jensen absent-mindedly notices his porch light turn on. Jared, apparently, doesn't. He continues. "I...cheated," he spats the word out. "On you. Doesn't that make you want to hate me?"

 

Jensen shakes his head. "No. I mean, you didn't know. I just walked away from you like that. So, saying you cheated is riding the line. I probably would have thought the same things you were thinking."

 

"No. No, no, no, Jensen."

 

And something in Jensen just clicks. "You've been letting this eat away at you. You're so stupid."

 

"And it's been a long 6 days for it to eat away."

 

So Jared's been counting, too. Jensen grins and pushes off from the steps and runs to Jared. He gently grasps Jared's face between his. "Please don't do that. Pretty, pretty please." And then he kisses him. And it's not soft like these kind of kisses usually are. It's...heated. Fierce. Tongues fighting for dominance. One waiting for the other to break away first.

 

Jensen is freaking thrilled that it's him who wins.

 

"This was not supposed to happen when I moved here."

 

"What wasn't?"

 

"Meeting you. Falling in love. I had my whole life ahead of me and you completely ruined that for me. At the age of 18."

 

Jensen would like to add that Jared was the one person who saw right past that 'crazy kid' shield and made Jensen fall in love with him. Jared fixed him. But he doesn't say anything.

 

He just buries his face in Jared's neck and prays that the voices stay away and that he and Jared are okay from here on out.


	4. Your Love Is Thick And It Swallowed Me Whole

**_(3 Years Later)_ **

 

"Jared? What the hell?!"

 

Jensen hears Jared groan and sees his head peek around the bathroom corner a few seconds later. "What's wrong now, princess?"

 

Jensen throws him what he hopes is his best death glare. "Have you used my toothbrush? I can tell that you have." Jared snorts. "What?"

 

"You just had my cock in your mouth a couple hours ago and you're all upset about a toothbrush?"

 

Jensen grimaces. "Yes. It's just...weird when someone else uses your toothbrush. And that is so not the same."

 

Jared barks out a laugh. It echoes in the bathroom. "I'm pretty sure that me coming down your throat borderlines on that."

 

Jensen pouts and tries to fight a smile while he says, "I hate you. So much. I can't believe that after this long you still won't let me come in your mouth." Jensen lays on the puppy dog face.

 

Jared grins and slides up behind him. "Love you so much, hot shit. And I told you...that shit just tastes nasty. Too salty." Jensen feels his entire being light up at the use of his nickname Jared gave him nearly four years ago. Jared wraps his arms around Jensen's waist.

 

Jared starts tracing meaningless shapes on Jensen's stomach and Jensen lets out a soft moan. "I have final exams tomorrow. I really need to get to sleep." Jared shrugs his shoulders and nips at Jensen's shoulder. Jensen yelps and Jared laps at it with the tip of his tongue, his warm breath ghosting over it. Suddenly Jensen remembers something. "Oh yeah! Quit putting your girly strawberry scented shampoo by all my Old Spice stuff. It's totally demeaning."

 

Jared flashes him a smile he is all too familiar with now and he's being thrown over Jared's shoulder slightly before he can protest. Jared fucks him rough, fast and deep into the mattress that night.

 

Jensen loves his life. He really, truly does. He wouldn't trade it for anything. The voices aren't there anymore. Haven't been for a while now. And even though he knows they can come back at any time, he refuses to let them control his life anymore. He even checks in with his doctor every so often just to keep himself grounded.

 

He has a job and goes to class and that helps keep him grounded, too. He's working on his third, and last, year of getting his doctoral degree to work in the Psychology field. And then will have to do a year long internship, but it'll be worth it. He refused to let his disease win, so why can't he do that for others? There's so many more people out there that need help just like he did, does.

 

And God. It was complete hell that first year that he and Jared moved in together. They fought constantly over everything, rent was late a few times, and there was always too much take-out in the fridge for Jensen's liking. Jensen seriously considered moving back home. But they did it. Jensen is so proud of himself of that fact. For people who thought he wouldn't ever do anything with his life because he has schizophrenia? Yeah, poop on them. Jared went to school on a scholarship to be a physical therapist. It only took him two years to finish all his crap. Jensen was, is, so jealous about that. Jared just got a job at the rehabilitation clinic about ten minutes away from their apartment about six months ago.

 

He has the perfect life now and he has that big, dumb, freakishly tall sasquatch to thank for it. And if he's being honest, that stupid, preppy, stuck up redheaded cheerleader that now works at the hospital as a nurse probably has (a little) to do with it, too. But, you know, whatever.

 

Yeah, his life is just perfect.


End file.
